Out-dated

Nine months. Hundreds of submissions. Dozens of rejections. Even more non-responses. And in the few times I was accepted, I never made it past the first interview.

So I think it’s time I gave up on Internet dating.

It was fun at first—coming up with a profile that made me seem interesting without lying, adding a photo that wouldn’t scare people away, and deciding which of my interests would seem the least geeky. And when that was all approved by the Internet dating gods, I went searching for potential dates.

The good news is a lot of people out there are still available. The bad news is there’s a very good reason they’re still available.

But it wasn’t all bad, and I soon found some people who looked quite attractive and whose profile didn’t read like the premise of a Stephen King novel. So I made contact (after paying for the appropriate “membership”), let them know I was interested, and waited.

And waited.

After a few days I got sick of waiting, so I found some more people I was interested in, made contact, and waited.

By this time I’d learned about another dating site. So I joined up, paid up, and wrote up… okay, copied and pasted my profile. Saw some new people (and an amazing number of familiar faces from the other site), made contact, and waited again.

And then the rejections started coming in.

I figured this whole Internet dating thing was a bit of a crap shoot. I just didn’t realise I’d be the crap.

The first half dozen rejections weren’t too bad. The rejecters were very attractive (both in looks and on paper), and probably had to reject dozens of people every day just to clear their inboxes. (That’s what I kept telling myself anyway.)

But after a while they all started taking their toll, and I ended up with one very bruised and battered ego. It wasn’t just the numbers, either. I honestly couldn’t understand why some people were saying no, as we seemed to be perfect for each other. And believe me, being the wrong side of 40 when you’re separated and sharing custody of a toddler really limits your options.

(Then again, I was doing my fair share of rejecting as well, so maybe I shouldn’t have taken it quite so hard.)

More searching, more contacts, more waiting, more sites.

I ended up being on six dating sites (three paid, three free), which meant I could now receive dozens of rejections in a single day. Needless to say this really started doing my head in, and so it wasn’t long before I cut back to just the one.

I should point out that despite all these rejections it was anything but a waste of time. I managed to meet some lovely people, and while we never went past the first date I’m now very good friends with some of them.

But as I said earlier, I don’t think it’s for me. So with four months and two precious stamps still to go, I’m about to close my last account and leave the world of Internet dating. I’ll just have to find another way to meet people.

Maybe there’s an “Internet Dating Survivors Group” I can join.

{ 3 comments… add one }
  • Kate J August 7, 2011, 12:09 am

    You’re braver than me; I got as far as trying to write a profile, and gave up when I turned myself off myself!! Several friends swear by internet dating, and have the marriages and babies to prove it, but I just can’t go down that road….. Good luck with meeting people IRL!

    Reply
  • Bill Harper September 11, 2011, 8:54 pm

    Thanks, Kate. Yeah, the profile’s definitely the hardest bit. You want to be reasonably honest, but you don’t want to turn them off either.
    I know a few people who’ve had success with it too, but it just doesn’t seem to be working for me.
    Here’s to finding someone in the real world.

    Bill.

    Reply
  • Bonny September 5, 2014, 8:17 pm

    First off I would like to say awesome blog!
    I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you don’t mind.
    I was curious to know how you center yourself
    and clear your head before writing. I have had a tough time clearing my mind in getting my
    ideas out there. I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are usually
    lost just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or
    hints? Thank you!

    Reply

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