Don’t use that (ring)tone with me

So you’ve got a new mobile phone. Congratulations.

I can understand you’re excited. Chances are it has a million more features than your last phone, and you’re eager to try them all out. So go ahead, play with the compass, the GPS, and whatever else it has.

But please, wait until you get home before you start trying out all the ringtones.

Don’t try them out on the train as you’re heading to work. It’s early, and most of your fellow passengers are still waking up. (Why else would they be snoring in the seat beside you?) Start making loud noises and they’ll probably try to strangle you with their ID pass to make it stop.

Don’t try them out at the office. Thanks to the endless phone calls, meetings and other interruptions we don’t get a lot of time to actually work. So when we do finally get the time, we don’t want to spend it trying to drown out the latest ringtone you’ve downloaded from the Internet.

(Oh, and in case you’re thinking it’s okay because we’re all listening to music on our headphones, not even the latest noise-cancelling headphones can block out Crazy Frog.)

And for goodness sake, don’t play them all to your co-workers, especially if they work in IT. The sounds may be new to you, but chances are everyone else has heard them all before. And even if they haven’t, they really don’t care.

Don’t try them out on the train on your way home from work. Chances are everyone else in the carriage is on their way home from work as well, and after listening to managers and clients droning on all the day the last thing they want to hear is more droning from your damn phone.

On second thoughts, don’t try them out at home either. Your kids will definitely have heard them before (they may have even “bought” some of them for you, which is why your phone bill is so high). And your partner may end up lunging at you with a kitchen knife—especially if they’ve been looking after the kids all day.

So where can you try them out? Well, if I had my way I’d say never. Just stick with whatever it came with. If you can’t tell when your own phone is ringing, you need more than a new ringtone.

But if you must try them out, how about doing it in a soundproof booth? Don’t have one? Call this number now! Operators are standing by to take your order.

Well, except the ones who tried out their ringtones in the office.

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